


lover taken, lover gone

by LiberAmans214



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Comforting Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grieving Dean Winchester, Post - Castiel's death, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, Protective Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester Knows, not wincest, sam winchester is a good brother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:26:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27487261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiberAmans214/pseuds/LiberAmans214
Summary: "dean. you have to -" sam tries, but gets interrupted."he's gone, sam." dean sounds devastated, voice ruined as if he's been crying for hours. which is probably exactly what he's been doing.sam reaches for him, mouth twisted in sympathy."sammy, he said he loves me."
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 97





	lover taken, lover gone

**Author's Note:**

> don't read if you're avoiding spoilers for 15x18: Despair!!

dean's still in room 7B, folded into himself against a wall, when sam and jack find him. two sets of footsteps fade into just one, as sam approaches slowly. this has to be just him. dean won't cry in front of the kid.

"dean." he tries, but gets interrupted.

"sammy," dean sounds devastated, voice scratchy and ruined, as if he's been crying for hours. which is probably exactly what he's been doing.

sam reaches for him, mouth twisted in sympathy.

"sammy, he said he loves me."

sam's not an idiot, he pieced it together when he saw his brother, and jack had told him about cas's deal on their drive back, so he knows. he thinks he gets it. dean's feeling guilt, and grief, and —

dean lets out a choked sound of pain. "sam, he — he told me. he told me i've changed him, and he wasn't supposed to change, and he told me he cares, and i care, of _course_ i care, and i —"

sam swallows, tears pricking his own eyes at the state his brother was in. tensed, still in disbelief, trembling with his words. hair ruined to an absolute mess, and red rimmed eyes with nothing but loss in them.

"i couldn't even say it back."

"dean," sam whispers, scared now. "please get up."

"i couldn't — i couldn't even say — and he said it made him happy to just _be_ , and not have, and i couldn't even —" dean breaks down with another sound of anguish, even as he let his brother take his arm and hoist him to his feet.

"and then he _leaves_ —"

"i get it, dean." sam tells him softly, wanting to promise his brother the redemption he craved, a do-over, and most of all, a tryst with his angel.

"sammy, he was right _here_ , and he told me he loved me, and i couldn't even — couldn't even save him, couldn't even —"

sam hugs him.

and for once, dean lets himself be held together by his brother, instead of taking charge. burying his face in sam's shoulder, dean continues to shake, breathing raggedly, and sam knows he has to keep himself together for his brother's sake, because he's _never_ seen him come apart like this. and he's seen him come apart way too many times.

"how _could_ he?" dean grits out, and sam has no answer for him. "how could he _love_ me — how could he go away? and how could he never know i —" dean trails off, but begins again. _"_ _i_ —"

sam closes his eyes wordlessly, and waits for dean to let himself say it.

and he does.

"sammy, i love him too." dean whispers, and that's it. he's there, he's finally there.

but cas isn't.

"i _love_ him, and now he's gone."

**Author's Note:**

> i _need_ casdean to reunite, and i can't stop writing angsty codas until he does.
> 
> on an unrelated note, anyone know any reliable crossroad demons out here?


End file.
